Loose change

50 cents falls out of my jeans as I take them off and throw them in the heap which is fondly becoming my favourite place to store my clothes. I have a wardrobe, but that’s for the clothes I don’t wear. Convenience or sheer laziness? I’ve been told that laziness is not an attractive trait. I’ve also been told that if I wasn’t lazy I could achieve anything. They emphasised the word anything like there’s something much more valuable that I could be doing with my time other than eating an orange and throwing my clothes on the floor. I am yet to find what this is.

I’m 25. I guess that means i’m in my mid-twenties. When I turned 25 I realised the following things: I am no longer classified a high risk driver, people that are born in the 90′s are legally allowed to purchase alcohol, there is a phenomenon called “planking” that I do not understand, and Justin Bieber is 7 years younger than me. I find all of this extremely depressing.

I’m gay. I have very few gay friends. The gay friends I do have either a) Have slept with me or b) Intend to.  The one’s I have not slept with and don’t intend to sleep with either a) Are happily married or b) Look like magpies. I don’t like magpies. They go for your eyes.

This is a gay thing, sleeping with your friends. Most lesbians sleep with everyone. Whether they be your ex, your friend, your mother or your not nailed down girlfriend. This is because the lesbian community is small and incestuous. And lesbians have no morals. Kidding, the lesbian community isn’t that small.

It is time to rifle through my floor closet and kick off the day. Today I am a White Russian. Sweet, but i’ll mess with your head. Ever read a cocktail list? The names are nothing short of sheer brilliance. Until next time.

Boi Fox.